I’ve been thinkin

If you’re a young white female like me, on the poverty line but still privileged, you start to realize there are some things you can control, but they are only self things.

So you put yourself out there and you keep getting kicked in the face. It’s tempting to close yourself off, to harden yourself and come prepared to the next emotional situation. But someone, somewhere, accepts you for exactly who you are.

And all that searching just brings you back to you. Only you can accept yourself the way you want to be accepted.

And I do. And when I do, sometimes other people catch on. And if they don’t, oh well, you can’t force love.

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  • #musings
  • 8 hours ago
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  • #cute #baking #cooking #flour #daddy
  • 1 week ago
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  • 1 week ago
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if I sing for you!

The oldest floorboards I have ever seen
in my life
were so sunken
and chunked with layers
of paint
that the separation of
2-by-4s was merely an
illusion.


I imagine myself there so much
that its truth of spirit is
defined more by dreams than
memory
               and dust settles slowly
                and the stagelights, so lonely,
                seem to dance with the dust
                (the small specks of ancient freedom).


Sometimes the heavy, velvet-laden housedrapes
were open
                with sun-streams –
the kind you can stare at
for hours -
peering through.
And though it never bores
those little beams are not quite strong enough
to warm beneath the surface
of your impervious skin.


The piano
– used by the small boy and the jazz teacher –
stood lonely in a secret box
covered in wood scraps
and pulleys
and broken colored lenses.

I longed to take it out!
Solitary,
  half-lid,
   a microphone and just
                                     myself:
voice not shaking,
dark chairs before me,
my soul shared unashamed.

But if I sing for you,
no dust will dance in warming
sun-streams.
The floorboards will not seem charming
in their age
and everything within my soul will be yours,
             even if you do not want it.

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  • #poetry #poem #original poem #original #song #music #life #figure me out #relationships #maybe #i am
  • 1 week ago
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thank you anna,  for sharing this with me. jourssenvont

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  • #music #laura stevenson #guitar #inspiration #truths
  • 1 week ago

when new dropped its disguise

I am not brave,
my heart is pounding
my mouth is dry
my skin grimy

God, if I believed in you,
I would pray and place my knees at the foot of the edge of
reason.

but mostly I am alone
sweaty
delusional
eternally late,
and what I am not proud of
will haunt me until I learn how to exhale.

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  • #poem #poetry #original #create #life #learn #love
  • 1 week ago
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  • 2 weeks ago
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playaz gonna play

but PLOT TWIST: I’m the player.

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  • #player #Game #Girl #girlsgotskills #girlsgotstyle #Girlsgotgame #lifestyle #lyfe #dating #Is weird #dating is weird #dating issues
  • 3 weeks ago
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  • #Content #Tea #Chamomile #Peaceful #Lace #Long exposure #Fake long exposure #Photos #Lingerie #Girl #Woman #Happy #Self #Self-love
  • 1 month ago
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somehow
in the chaos and sweaty, stumbling moments at 3 am,
you’ve found a way to calm me
and yet you’ve done so only with some fixed knowledge of my person.

I am consistent in my fear;
stoic and proud to bear my scars.
I bear them to you,
to parents and parents of parents,
but I am nothing without these.

I am no story, no small margin of code error, no mystic replications of your tantric sex dreams.

Touch not my line of moles, my row of eyes, my secret lines of re-situated flesh.

your eyes only speak devilish truths and spinning falsifications.

Eat my pussy, indeed.

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  • #angry #angry poetry #i kinda like it #venting #writing #I'm probably bad at writing #meh #life #sex #judgment #assumptions
  • 1 month ago
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