somehow
in the chaos and sweaty, stumbling moments at 3 am,
you’ve found a way to calm me
and yet you’ve done so only with some fixed knowledge of my person.

I am consistent in my fear;
stoic and proud to bear my scars.
I bear them to you,
to parents and parents of parents,
but I am nothing without these.

I am no story, no small margin of code error, no mystic replications of your tantric sex dreams.

Touch not my line of moles, my row of eyes, my secret lines of re-situated flesh.

your eyes only speak devilish truths and spinning falsifications.

Eat my pussy, indeed.

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  • 1 week ago
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  • 2 weeks ago
  • 300252

letter to Switzerland, and her.

I am made of glued teeth

                                plaque and seams of

                                grey gums and blood:

I have no words for you.

Half a year ago, apologies meant

something profound.

Now they’re only muddied, slushy things,

                like water in an old milk glass,

                like the mixture of bile and

                toilet water on Sunday at Brunch.

No, these are not beautiful vehicles of ambiguity.

They are clawing, sweating, rotting pleas

                for acceptance

                self-peace

                for anything with hands to hold me

 and bind my crippled remnants of sanity.

I am made of clenched lips, clenched knees, clenched fists

                twisted and numb and tingling

                from lack of oxygen or normal release.

I keep telling myself:

                I have no words for you.

Because if I let them out,

Half of them are sorrys

And half of them are

bleeding, spitting, defeated spells of contempt.

I would just rather erase you…

go on like white noise and

Nothingness.

Not cold, not warm,

not tensed or seething –

                just still;

                                where there are no words

                                or teeth              

                                or apologies

                                or you.

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  • #more poems #poetry #writing #life is getting fucking crazy #apologies #burned bridges #friendships #broken friendships #life #friends #love #forgiveness #moving on #move on #some people aren't meant to be friends #not everyone likes you
  • 1 month ago

You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back

Barbara De Angelis (via javisings)
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  • #right now #yes #don't hold back #love #i love you
  • 1 month ago
  • 32
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  • #mushrooms #Yum #yummy #food #crimini
  • 1 month ago
  • 127
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  • #jackie #Jackie and Hyde #jackie burkhart #weed #That 70's Show #reblog always
  • 1 month ago
  • 980

jesus fuck. when this is over i’m cleaning to high heaven, making up all the abs i missed, and getting rid of EVERYTHING. two hours to finish. totally got this…

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  • 1 month ago

skipped parts.

How small and delicate your smiles:

like the kind of rain that mists and makes your nose cold,

but only just the tip of it;

like the first pot of spaghetti I ever made: cloths ablaze, microscopic mushrooms, and the dente-est of al dente, yet still endearing.

How quiet and beautiful your eyes:

like answers I’ve been waiting for all my life, but never even really knew what the questions were;

like the warm, smoky spots of sun that soak into house plants and carpet and make you feel as if your mind is made of steaming tea.

Jesus fucking Christ. I could love you with two souls,

but instead I’ll curl like a cat

beneath the window,

watching some revitalizing rainbowstorm.

Warm, because the sun soaks me

and yet cold, because the rain always comes.

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  • #it comes at the strangest times #poetry #writing #i like to write #metaphors #similes #poem #art ish
  • 1 month ago
  • 1
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  • 1 month ago
  • 2491
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  • #late to the party #late to the game #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy summers #spike #love #Love should be this way i think
  • 2 months ago
  • 3177
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